12 Months: BLOGNY 2018

January is sand that blisters your feet from the heat, so you’re wading down a river letting the cool water rush green and brown, soothing your feet. It is the sticky and soft snuggles from your babies, the comfort of having them there curled up on your chest. It is the midnight kiss, the one…

Grace: BLOGNY 2018

I don’t really feel qualified to be writing about this, or putting it on a public forum but it’s just so sad and there always seems to be a need to share when bad things happen. To express – i don’t even know, empathy? apology?. I know it is naïve to forget that bad things…

Let’s Go Again: BLOGNY 2018

It’s been two years since I last did BLOGNY and so many things are different – in the world, and in my own life. I started a new job recently and it’s good – hard in lots of ways I didn’t expect – but also good. But one thing it has taught me is the…

zar loves tessa from zar (a title chosen by tessa)

And one day it became irreparable. It wasn’t just a phase or a stage – I was different. The woman in the mirror didn’t look the way I remembered her and that was the scariest feeling of all. But by happenstance, or some great design one day I also met people who liked me as…

Unlearning Sleepless Nights: The Real Stuff

I was awake a lot in my first year of university. I would sleep between 3 and 4 in the morning and would wake up sometime between 8 and 10 depending on my class time (yeah attendance). I was constantly exhausted and struggled to concentrate on anything and honestly have no real idea of how…

A Letter to You #1

To whom it may concern, Or, to you. I’m not ambivalent to you. Right now we are less than friends but more than strangers. We have that in-between appreciation where we are not each other’s last choice. A relationship based off relief and convenience and inexplicably good timing. In this life we could be friends,…

2017 Beaches (a long awaited review)

This is a nine-month late review, but we were a little slow to start this summer. These Beaches have all been added to my comprehensive ranking of Auckland beaches, so if you want to see their placement check it out. Kaitarakihi It was such a blustery day yet we managed to stumble onto the calmest…

Part 1: Soft

You came in and moulded me soft. I was a peach. Soft fuzz baby with smooth skin and sweet sunrise in my flesh. You held me for months. Warm in your hand –  sturdy fingers, rounded nails, knuckles a little tanner than the rest – and I moulded soft. Vulnerable; whispering secrets into the valley….

How Are You?

Fact: I am ineloquent. I feel like since I stopped writing I have so many feelings and words and weird screwed up expressions that as soon as I am asked a direct question I fall to pieces. I am not fun at parties. It’s frustrating because I love to talk. I like to hear what…

Unlearning Sleepless Nights: The Feelings

I mess around with insomnia most nights. Silent. Watching the port lights shine white on the water. Our relationship is bruised and ugly but I don’t quit it because I like the stillness.I like being so exhausted that sleep comes in minutes instead of hours. I trade my mornings for moments and stay, gripping tight…