It’s been two years since I last did BLOGNY and so many things are different – in the world, and in my own life.
I started a new job recently and it’s good – hard in lots of ways I didn’t expect – but also good. But one thing it has taught me is the importance and the necessity of having things that you do for you, and things that push you and challenge you and inspire you in ways that are different to working. I also spent a decent chunk of this week reading an article on the Sahara desert and it was well written in the way that makes you want to write something too.
I think I have spent the last three and half years feeling very stationary. I played a safe game because it felt necessary and for better or worse this year it all kind of washed up. My accumulation of effort and love and time either paid off, or it didn’t. It’s kind of like in Monopoly where you trade your massive as pile of $1’s and $5’s for like two $1000’s – or when you trade all your cash in for property. Even though you have the outcome that you were working towards it still feels a bit empty and strange that all the things that you collected and obsessed over for so long have changed form into something else much simpler.
But it is also nice I think – to have room to start collecting new things.
The last few years I picked stability. I picked slow growth and progress and comfort. I picked having someone to drive me places and talk to me and pick up the phone when I felt scared or alone. But now I don’t want that so much.
I want people who are unabashed and unafraid. I want people who can laugh at themselves so they can teach me to do the same. I want car trips and prosecco and clubs that are too fancy for me to be there but I go anyway because am a #youngprofessional.
Having somebody to love me, and somebody to always choose to love was comforting but it also made me complacent instead of brave. That scare’s me a little because I don’t ever want to look back and feel stuck. Or feel like I let things slip past because I was too scared to grab them, or move on, or just live.
I think that is the general mood right now – I just want to live as best I can and I want to remember it.
And the way to remember it is writing it down.
So that is exactly what I am going to do.