Like I said – for every hard moment this year I was blessed with more kindness and good than I knew what to do with. The love I have is the abundant kind that I couldn’t have done anything to deserve but I will spend my whole life trying to show just how grateful I am for it.
Here are 10 best things that came out of this year
- So many good peopleI am surrounded by absolute gold in human form.
- I was braveI spent a lot of the early parts of this year obsessing over the things that frighten me. I am scared of being sick and losing loved ones or losing myself. I was scared of being alone or of the idea that I might stay with someone forever because we were too afraid to hurt one another. I was worried about how people perceived me and whether that perception was correct. The fear was constant, and it was inhibiting.And one day I think I just kind of cracked. I was walking, feeling totally overwhelmed because I had just gotten my period and I had a cyst in my wrist and I was on delayed antibiotics because I had just come off a cycle of different medication for a different sickness and then Hard Times by Paramore came on and I just started laughing. Because these really were HARD TIMES but also they were so ridiculous and inconsequential that sometimes I think all you can really do is keep going and take them all in stride.
The year progressed and my stride continued. I think what I really learnt was to let it all go a little more. There are still things that frighten me but the panic subsided. I am not afraid to be sad anymore or hurt or alone. I know how to ask for help when I really need it but I also know that I can handle it x100 better than used to. I feel more in control of things, and also just very benign and peaceful towards what I can’t control. My worst fears may eventuate one day but there is nothing to be gained from prematurely freaking out. In the words of my new fav Ariana Grande – “She handles pain, that shits amazing”
- Uni was satisfyingI AM SO SMART. Which is hard to remember when everyone around me is a genius in their own field but man I really am trying to embrace my own intelligence more. I try really, really hard – I am not afraid to admit that even when it is super embarrassing and I fail. I want to be good at writing and at researching and that requires having certain level of confidence about your own abilities #selfefficacy. The more faith that I have, the more that I can achieve with the knowledge that I am acquiring and the better I can utilise what I am learning to create better outcomes for people.Even a year ago I couldn’t have faced the academic year that I did in 2018. But I feel like I did with grace and courage that I didnt really know I had in me. Maybe it is boastful, and I know a lot of my intelligence is luck, but also a lot of the success of this year came from really hard work and diligence and pure grit. I really did that. I’m really proud.
- I had less colds
LONG MAY IT LAST.
- I got a job
Like a grown up job – somewhere where I have to wear a pencil skirt and have secretary and the way that I spend my time equates to money so everything I do matters. It’s still so crazy to me, but it’s also really good. It’s the kind of place where I can envision working and even the fact that i can visualise it is an achievement and a good in its own right.
- Lots of music
SO MANY SONGS THAT I LOVE. Also the Taylor Swift concert which I have been waiting 5 years for finally came and it was everything that I could have possibly dreamed of.
- A new house
That is clean and fresh and warm. That had proper storage space in the kitchen and enough wardrobes for my ever growing collection of bad clothing. A home with a view, proper shower pressure and a light space for us all to sit together and talk about our days. This was the home I needed to do everything that I did and despite the drama it took to get here I am very blessed to have moved.
- I resteablished relationships!!
For every person I lost, there became someone who stood up and stayed. I redeveloped friendships with people who have survived an age by my side and who don’t show any signs of leaving. And it was really nice to be with them and to remember the love that I have for them is very present and modern and special – not just based on memories but based on the relationship between us now as adults.
I guess in a way its sad because I am losing them to different cities this year but it was sure special to reconnect before they left. And it was really precious to remember that I have people who have been through every rough patch and still see me the same as they did when I was 7 years old.
- Jacinda !!!
Having Labour in charge of government is like taking a constant sigh of relief. It is just so nice to know that we have a leader who works with compassion and intelligence. It makes me feel better about life in New Zealand as a whole and has renewed my faith in a lot of things.
2018 brought with it room for growth and space think. It will never be remembered as a perfect year because it really has been bloody hard but it has left room for 2019 to arrive clean and full of space to make beautiful memories.I am ready for a year that will be different from the others from beginning to end. 2018 started messily – it carried over dramas and pain and rocky friendships.
It began with me lugging 294393 tonnes of emotional and physical baggage into the new year because I don’t know how to put anything down. But while obsessive holding on is still very much a part of who I am for the first time I feel very free moving forward. I am grateful for the love that I have around me and to be able to surround myself with people the way that I do. But I don’t feel like I owe anything this year or have loose ends or weird emotions to tidy up.
2019 is a truly clean slate and I am so excited to see how this decade – which fully encompasses my 10 years of secondary and tertiary education (!!!) – will finally come to end.