J U N E

2019 has really done that. It’s June! I feel like we blinked in January, imagined the future briefly and suddenly it manifested with no months in between. But also, what a pretty and special year it has been so far. Three Highlights: Bucket list Moments: This has been a year to do and not think…

zar loves tessa from zar (a title chosen by tessa)

And one day it became irreparable. It wasn’t just a phase or a stage – I was different. The woman in the mirror didn’t look the way I remembered her and that was the scariest feeling of all. But by happenstance, or some great design one day I also met people who liked me as…

A Letter to You #1

To whom it may concern, Or, to you. I’m not ambivalent to you. Right now we are less than friends but more than strangers. We have that in-between appreciation where we are not each other’s last choice. A relationship based off relief and convenience and inexplicably good timing. In this life we could be friends,…

Part 1: Soft

You came in and moulded me soft. I was a peach. Soft fuzz baby with smooth skin and sweet sunrise in my flesh. You held me for months. Warm in your hand –  sturdy fingers, rounded nails, knuckles a little tanner than the rest – and I moulded soft. Vulnerable; whispering secrets into the valley….

Unlearning Sleepless Nights: The Feelings

I mess around with insomnia most nights. Silent. Watching the port lights shine white on the water. Our relationship is bruised and ugly but I don’t quit it because I like the stillness.I like being so exhausted that sleep comes in minutes instead of hours. I trade my mornings for moments and stay, gripping tight…

A Letter to Myself #1

This is a last ditch kind of effort. Throw it all in and hope to God it doesn’t miss way to write. I learnt the year before last that giving is not something that you can do indefinitely with a pure heart. That eventually you will need to take something or you will be left…

10 things I have Learnt in the Last Six Months

1.New friends – who have met you the way you are now and who somehow like you like this (???) – can sometimes be the most important people in your life. Treasure them. Stay real with them. 2. There is fucking gluten in everything. 3. Be who you are.And not in the happy-hippy-flippy way, but…

Hello April

Wow fuck ok I just went and saw Halsey and it ignited in me a whole lot of things that I’d forgotten how to feel. First of all, her show was AMAZING. Performance wise she is beautiful, her voice is exactly like her records and the effects are all tasteful and effective and way, way…

A Story for Every Track: MELODRAMA, Lorde

Track One // Green Light: Its summer and my skin is rough with heat and grit. I stop wearing shoes to the store to make me tougher, but there is something ragged in my chest. I don’t think about it when I don’t have to. I catch the bus, I cry and I clutch my own…

Things I Love (Short)

Things I Love: The ocean. The colour pink, but a smooth and soft sort of pink, the kind that is sunrise and lips and soft angora. Soft angora. Brown paper wrapping with string and little leaf decorations. Chocolates that come in boxes with fancy wrapping. The feeling of infinite possibility. Driving with the windows down…